Health Issues

So it has been a week, one week since I found out have Cancer… that is a word that makes you stop… whatever you are doing, when you hear that from your doctor…

So, you are having this conversation, and you are told “well I have bad news, your test shows cancer“, your heart stops… and you instantly think ” I’m not ready to die“, and to tell the truth there are a lots more thoughts that are not fully formed, they flash in and out so fast that it is heard to recall them all.

Then you leave work and go home, and your husband says “What are you doing home, you never leave work early?” and so you tell him, “I have cancer“. and you see that reaction, that reaction is a first uncontrollable inhale, then an “Oh My God, I’m so sorry” and that is the start of the week, and then you spend time taking it all in, deciding who you are going to tell.

So next you tell your family, and they all have the same reaction, that same reaction, and to tell the truth, at some point you stop telling people… because its you that has to deal with it… the thoughts that aren’t quite thoughts… its in the back of your mind, the waiting… for the actual diagnosis,the waiting … for what happens next.

After you get the call, you have to wait for another call, a call to schedule a scan, then after the scan, you wait for the results, after the results you wait for the doctor to confirm or deny what you thought about the scan…

In my case, that scan is good, and my next step is to go get some blood work, which gets sent to the doctors who will decide to schedule me for an operation…. and that’s where I am at right now… Get my blood work done tomorrow, and see what is next…

Maintenance

Now that I am back, I will take the time to delete links and such that no longer work because the writers left and deleted their posts or moved, so there is that…

Back Again…

Yes, It has been a long time since I wrote here last and I desire to start writing again, as there is much on my mind.

Been taking time to get in much better shape, this all started when I did the RIDE last, and a friend said to me after I had gotten of my bike “So, what has happened to your upper body?, I mean you all have perfection below the waist”

Yes, I have been neglecting my upper body to just concentrate on riding, so for the last two years, I have been going to the gym regularly, hired a trainer, got an app called “Fitbod”, and been really going at it, so much that an ex asked if they could work out with me, because I have shown so much change in my body. I have also increased my riding to 3 times a week because I want to be able to ride faster, and keep up with my friends who ride.

of course this all came to a screeching halt because of the pandemic, but my workout partner have devised a series of rubber bands attached with eye-bolts to his outside deck at his house, and we wear masks and rubber gloves while we work out, in addition on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, we do push-ups, minimum of 90 (to 180) we text each other as we get them done, I like to do 15, wait 2 minutes and then do another 15 until I get to 90, then do the next 90 and hour later.

back tomorrow

What – a post

I have been away – and I forgot my password – but am I really back?

My Year Off

I have been involved with the AidsLifecycle ride for 10 years, but last year after the ride I took the year off, the ride is over and I did manage not to get involved for the whole year.

I did host one of the riders who comes from out of town every Friday night, that was good. I will look forward to seeing her again this year.

My friend Greg died this year, I will miss him, he was one of those people who just gives and gives. I think he felt it kept him alive, he wasn’t one of the those people who just curls up and waits to die, he wants to be involved with managing his care, seeing his friends, and living his life as full as he can until, there is no more life to give. I loved him and will miss him. One of my great joys was making myself available to just walk with him twice a week to try to increase his strength, so that he could have the heart surgeries he needed. He did have them, but I think he was ready to go.

Life has big changes coming up soon, more about that  later.

Hmmm

Is it possible that I am able to write again? It has been a long time, and I wonder if I want to start again.

Tough Hill

the hill was tough, and yet there are reasons why it was so tough.

one – a dramatic change in our training weather – we have been training at 50 degrees, and Saturday was 80 degrees.

two – the hill is tough.

three – my brain is dead so I can’t think of any other reasons right now, but maybe you did not eat enough carbs, maybe not enough sleep? lots of reason, but it happens and it inset anything to worry about.

 

It was a tough hill

but just one of many during the ride… and the reason we do it…

It is good to ride with my friends, and I glad to be able to do it with them. This riding thing is new to them and sometimes they think they won’t be able to make it, but I know they can, after all I did.

They are the reason I ride

 

 

Back in the Saddle

I’m back – finally remembered my password and can get back to postings

Bike ride for tomorrow – stay tuned

 

 

Silence is the Sound I hear.

There is  a void… and emptiness…

There is a song that is no longer being sung.

But in truth…. the phone is no longer calling out… seeking attention, making demands.

no more voices, constantly calling out… “Decisions need to be made, Don’t make the wrong one.”

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The universe is the same as it always was, but that voice… is now silent, though it has not spoken for some time.

is the emptiness… relief we feel, or sadness?

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This new event brings remembrances of past losses back again… they swim to the surface, leap into your hand, held up to the light, examined and put back in to that bag we call memories…

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yet, we know that time will go by… days will go by, after awhile, birds will sing again , though they were never silent, we just did not hear what was always there.